I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
