I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
