you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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