dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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