another moral hangover. fuck.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
