He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
