Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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