Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
