i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
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i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
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I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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