one might say we're banned from that church
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
