I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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