i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
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