you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
