We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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