I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
