Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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