oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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