yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize