YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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