Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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