She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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