I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize