im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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