DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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