i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
