sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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