So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
