The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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