Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
