YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize