He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
