So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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