I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Randomize
