don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
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His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
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Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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