I could make wine with my vomit
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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