he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
