I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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