Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
