mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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