im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
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i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
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I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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