Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
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I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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