Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
