I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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