If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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