WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I need a beard to bite.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
