I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
its liver damage thursday
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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