I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
