You're earring is so big in my mouth
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
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I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
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I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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