He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
