I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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