Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
