His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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