dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this will be a night to untag.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
ok first of all what the fuck
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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