So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
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I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
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Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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