who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize