I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I have fence marks all over my body
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
