I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Randomize
