Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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