No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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