I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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